


I’ve been crossing all the lines

by alyciatheist



Category: Girl Like Girls, Girls Like Girls - Hayley Kiyoko (Music Video)
Genre: F/F, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-06 19:09:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4233375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alyciatheist/pseuds/alyciatheist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tell the neighbors I'm not sorry if I'm breaking walls down, building your girl's second story, ripping all your floors out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Only love can hurt like this.

**Author's Note:**

> Please watch (and listen!) Girls like Girls by Hayley Kiyoko before you read further.

They had been friends since forever, she and Sonya. Coley couldn’t remember exactly why and when they started to hang out. What she did remember however, was that Sonya was the only one who wasn’t mean to her. The only girl who didn’t tease her or say mean things about her clothes or hair.

One day, after P.E., Tracey had took all her clothes while she was still showering, unaware of all the commotion. All the other girls were pretending they didn’t know who took them. But Coley knew, pretending not to hear their soft mean chuckles behind her back. Sonya had stood up for her though and even offered her gym clothes, so that she was at least not completely naked.

Maybe that was the moment they really became friends. At age ten, they were pretty inseparable.

It was also the moment that people stopped teasing her, being friends with Sonya had changed that. She was popular, gorgeous, careless about what everyone else thought of her. All girls wanted to be friends with her, and all boys wanted to date her.

And being friends with Sonya meant that Coley now had the same privileges. All of sudden everyone wanted to be her friends, to get close to her. It was a strange thing, something she wasn’t used to. She had tried for a while, to just fit in, but she never felt like she belonged. It hadn’t taken her a while to figure out that they didn’t want to get close to her anyways,  for them, it was always Sonya.

But Coley understood. Sonya could make you feel a certain way, like you’re not an complete outsider. As if you did belong. You know that feeling when you’re talking, but halfway through you realize no one was _really_ listing to you? Sonya would simply nod, letting you know that she was still listing, that she did care.

To the outside, Sonya seemed like the perfect girl. As if she attracted everything good in her life. In reality though, she didn’t always.

Her family were free spirits. Both her parents were part of some sort environment company fighting for a so called ‘’better’’ world, whatever that means. This was until her mother left the country with some hippie who could offer her a world her husband had never given her, or was ever able to, leaving a confused thirteen years daughter and heartbroken husband behind.

Her father became depressed, his self-pity found in the endless alcohol he consumed every day.  His anger always on the edge.

Sometimes she’d knock on Coley’s door in the middle of the night, and Coley would hold her close until they both fell asleep. Most days she’d just shrug it off and say ‘’Some people have it worse.’’

Maybe that’s what a naïve thirteen years old is supposed to say. 

At age fifteen things had changed. They’d go to all the parties in town, spending endless nights drunk. Coley didn’t mind. Wasn’t this how a teenage life was supposed to be? And it kept Sonya happy, and that was all that really mattered.

Later though, she’d realize it was just an illusion.

It was the same age Sonya kissed a boy for the first time.

His name was Brendon. He had pretty blue eyes. Popular, of course. Maybe they were meant to kiss. Wasn’t that always how it goes?

Sonya hadn’t cared much though, only telling her she should try it some time. Which she did a year later, only to find out that it wasn’t so special after all. She had told Sonya, who just shrugged and told her not to worry about it so much.

But she had though. She always did.

Then at age sixteen, there was another boy, Trenton.

She had never thought Sonya would go out with him. He wasn’t that poplar, nor really handsome. He was nice, though, but a bit strange. But he made Sonya happy, that was all that mattered.

But it also shifted something in their friendship. They didn’t always hang out anymore, and whenever they did, it was always the three of them. Sometimes Trenton would bring his friend Nathan along. It was nice, just not the same.

She hated it to admit it, hated toacknowledge the fact that spending less time with Sonya made her feel left out.  Her mother had told her that it was completely normal for girls to spend a little more time with their boyfriend than their best friend.

But it wasn’t just a _little_ more time, it was day in day out. They’d go to parties together, never asking her to come along anymore. ‘’Trenton said he could only bring one guest along.’’ Sonya would say after with an apologizing smile, which she knew Coley couldn’t resist.

‘’One day you’ll understand.’’ Her mother had said. But would she really?

One day she had gotten a text from Nathan, asking her to hang out. She didn’t know who had given her number to him and wasn’t even sure if she wanted to hang out with him. She did though. _One day you’ll understand._

He wasn’t so bad. They went to the movies, so they didn’t really have to talk anyways. She offered to pay, but he wouldn’t let her, saying a boy should always pay a date. She never quite understood that concept and hadn’t even realized it was a date either.

He had tried to kiss her later that evening. She had let him.

‘’We could do double dates!’’ Sonya said with an excitement, when she had told her best friend the other day. Coley just smiled, if that meant she could actually spend time with her best friend again, so be it.

‘’I don’t think so, babe.’’ Trenton said. His arm around her body. ‘’I want you all to myself.’’ And he winked to Coley. ‘’No snoopers.’’

‘’Well, you should’ve thought about that before you gave Cole’s number to him.’’ Sonya said.

Coley should’ve known it was him.

But Trenton wasn’t listing to them anymore, his mind focusing on a video game he was playing.

Later that day, Sonya asked her all about Nathan. Coley wanted to give her the answers she knew she should give, but she couldn’t. She just shrugged and smiled, hoping Sonya would soon change the subject. Instead, she said something that had Coley lying awake all night.

_Sometimes, it takes a while to get that feeling you know, but sometimes we should just put in more effort._

But love isn’t supposed to be that way, love is without effort. Right?

‘’Well, I love you, and that comes without effort.’’ She had said.

‘’That’s because you’re my best friend, silly.’’ Sonya said, and she had hugged her tight.

After a while Coley got used to spend a little bit more time alone. ‘’Maybe you should just make more friends.’’ Her father had said. As if that was something easy. Every time something happened, she always found herself wanting to tell Sonya.

Things with Nathan didn’t go so great either. They’d always hang out at an old playground near their high school. They’d sit on the swing and they’d talk (well, he’d mostly do the talking). Sometimes they’d make out, but it was all without any meaning. She wished it was different, she wished that given more time she’d feel more. But she didn’t.

He knew but didn’t put any effort in it, and she didn’t either. When she suggested they could go to the movies, he had told her he had something else in mind. His parents were out of town, or so he said. She knew all too well what that meant.

He had put in a movie, but they weren’t really watching. He was kissing her, his hand touching her body roughly. She had even let him take off her shirt. But as he was ready to take more steps, she wasn’t.

He was unaware though, or maybe he just didn’t care.

‘’I-I’m sorry.’’ She stuttered when he was about to undo her bra. ‘’I can’t do this.’’ She sat up, trying to find her t-shirt. Aware of her almost naked body, she felt exposed, and maybe a bit ashamed.

‘’Oh don’t be so..’’ He sighed and kissed her neck. When she pushed him away, he let a sigh of frustration out.

When she finally collected all her stuff and was about to leave he stood before her.

‘’You know, I really thought you were more like Sonya. It’s disappointing.’’  He lingered a little bit longer before finally taking a step back.

It was always her. For them, it was always going to be her.

She left the house and then biked around. She didn’t know where she was going, she just wanted to get out there.

After a while, tears were falling down her cheek. She didn’t care though, she didn’t care that her mascara was all over her face, or the fact that some people were looking weirdly at her. She didn’t fucking care anymore.

At last, she found herself at Sonya’s place.

‘’She ain’t here love.’’ Her father told her. His breath stank of a mix of alcohol and cigarettes. ‘’She’s with that guy, Trenton I think.’’

Of course. She should’ve known.

She told herself she’d talk to her the next day at school. And Sonya would hug her and tell her it was okay. She’d tell her she shouldn’t feel ashamed of not getting through with it. Coley had waited for her the next day, but Sonya never came. Which wasn’t very alarming because Sonya had skipped school a lot since she started dating Trenton.

It did become weird however, when Sonya didn’t pick up her phone. Sonya always picks up her phone, for Coley she would always. Later that day she found herself knocking on her door, again. Only this time, it  was actually Sonya opening the door.

‘’Hi you.’’ She said with a smile, which didn’t quite reach her eyes. By then Coley already knew something was wrong.

‘’Hi.’’ She said back, looking at other girl she noticed something was different. Her lip was swollen and so was the left side of her face. Although, it was quite hard to see, the bruises partly hidden by her hair.

‘’What happened?’’ She had said in shock. But Sonya looked away and didn’t say much.

But she already knew what must have happened. Maybe her father was an alcoholic and maybe had a bit of a temper, but he had never hit his daughter. He would never do that. So, the only one who was capable of doing something like this was.. Trenton.

But, she couldn’t quite understand why. Sure, he was a bit strange, but she couldn’t figure out why he’d hit her. Or if it was _really_ him who had hit her best friend.

‘’We were just fighting, he was drunk and he didn’t mean to.’’ Sonya then said. They were lying on her bed, her head supported by Coley’s legs.

‘’Yeah, but he did.’’ She said. She was angry and confused. For a while they were lying there, neither saying a word.

 ‘’It was just one time. It won’t happen again.’’ Sonya finally said. She sat up and looked at her. ‘’Please don’t worry about it.’’ She said and gently tucked away a lock of Coley’s hair back behind her ear.  God, she was so beautiful. Even with the bruises, her make up smeared everywhere, even with all that, she was goddamn beautiful. Why didn’t she realize that? Why didn’t she realize she deserved better?

And Coley wanted to believe her, she really did.

For a while they spend more time together, even inviting her to parties again. It was almost like the old times, where they’d spend hours watching movies, do each other’s make up and try out crazy outfits. Or the times where they’d spend hours long looking at the sky, Sonya would make up crazy stories, and sometimes she wondered out loud what would happen with people when they die. ‘’Do you think there’s more than just this, Coley?’’ She once asked. Coley never thought about stuff like that, maybe because she didn’t really care. Sometimes it was hard to figure the older girl out, but it was also something she liked about her.

They didn’t talk about Trenton or what had happened. She didn’t tell Sonya about Nathan either, she figured she shouldn’t make it a big deal. But Sonya had wondered about had happened though. ‘’It wasn’t worth the effort.’’ She just told her. She wasn’t completely lying.

It wasn’t the only fight Sonya had with Trenton though. Every time they hung out he was either drunk or angry, most of the time he lashed out at Sonya for no valid reason. Sometimes she’d protest, most of the time she’d just shrug it off.

‘’Why are you still with him?’’ Coley had asked Sonya one day. She didn’t understand why someone would be in a relationship like that.  
  
‘’He can be nice, sometimes.’’ Sonya had answered. _Sometimes,_ as if she didn’t deserve always.  
  
‘’Does he make you happy?’’ She wondered. She had never seen the other girl really happy with Trenton. And wasn’t that the point of a relationship? To be happy. Someone should make you feel happy.

‘’Sure.’’ Sonya simply said.

I could make her happier, she thought. She was always happy with me.

Weeks later Sonya stood outside her house. ‘’You’re coming to a party with us.’’ Sonya beamed, she obviously didn’t care that Coley was about to go to bed. She was about to say no when the older girl leaned in a little bit closer. Her breath smelled of alcohol and cigarettes. ‘’Puh-lease?’’ She said pouting, and how could she ever resist that? How could she ever resist Sonya?

But, after a while she was actually glad that she came along. They were dancing, stealing glances and they were happy. For a while they just let go of whatever was troubling them. It was just them. How it used to be, how it should be.

Obviously that didn’t last long. It almost seemed Trenton didn’t want her to be happy, for he always started a fight whenever she became her careless self.

He held his grip a bit too tight around her arms and he was saying something to her. Coley could see she was growing more uncomfortable, but he wouldn’t let her go. On nights like these she wished she could punch him, scream at him and tell him he didn’t deserve her. He didn’t deserve the right to be able to hold her and let her fall whenever he wanted to. Someday she might.

He was now starting so scream and hit things. People were looking at the commotion, but no one did a thing. Coley stood up and walked towards the older girl. She took her hand and just walked out, ignoring Trenton’s shouting, or Nathan’s laugh. Ignoring everyone’s looks.

Sonya hadn’t said a word until they were lying on Coley’s bed.

‘’Thank you.’’ She said facing Coley, a tear was rolling down her cheek

Coley didn’t say anything for a while and just looked at the other girl. ‘’Why?’’ She then asked. She didn’t really know why she had asked, she wasn’t even sure what she expected her to say.

‘’He didn’t use to be like that.’’ She wiped away new tears falling down her cheek. ‘’He can make me happy.’’

But he doesn’t and he won’t, Coley thought. ‘’I could make you happy.’’ She said.

‘’I know.’’ Sonya said, she smiled, and it was the saddest smile Coley had ever seen.  ‘’I know you could.’’ She said and closed her eyes.

Even if she knew Coley could make her happy, it didn’t matter. Weeks after what happened she was still together with Trenton. Coley hated it, hated him, hated Sonya for staying with him. She didn’t hang out as often with them anymore,  she didn’t pick up her phone whenever Sonya called her. She knew it was unfair, but she didn’t want to pretend anymore, pretend it wasn’t slowly changing everything.

Sonya wasn’t as careless as she used to. She smiled, but that happiness never reached her eyes, and Coley fucking hated it.

But, it was Trenton’s birthday and she had promised Sonya to stop by. ‘’It’s just the three of us. We’ll just hang out, it’ll be like the old days.’’ Sonya had said. She wasn’t so sure though, but she had already promised.

Trenton was already drinking while Sonya was smoking a cigarette, teasing her with blowing smoke in her face. She never was a smoker but still took the cigarette when Sonya offered.

For a while they sat there in silence. She looked at the older girl and realized that she looked somewhat happier. She was almost glowing.

‘’Come on babe, let’s do something. I’m bored.’’ Trenton said while he gave Sonya a kiss.

‘’We can go to the park?’’ She offered, although she had no idea what they were supposed to do there.

‘’No, I know a spot.’’ Trenton said excitingly. ‘’You know that spot I brought you to a couple of weeks ago babe?’’

Sonya just nodded and took Coley’s hand. ‘’Let’s goooooo then.’’

It  was a great spot. Besides, it was a great day, the sun was shining and even Trenton was in a good mood. They drank a couple of beers before Trenton decided to play baseball all by himself.

‘’Come on, let’s dance a little.’’ Sonya said after a while, maybe a little bit drunk.

Coley shook her head and laughed. ‘’But, there’s no music.’’

But Sonya obviously didn’t care because she was already up and moving her body. She was in her own world, not caring about anything but the rhythm of her body.

All Coley could do was stare, mesmerized by the rhythm of the older girls’ body and the carelessness of it. She was sure that nobody would ever look the way that the other girl did. God, she was so beautiful.

After an hour or so they were back at Sonya’s place. It was a hot day, and they just wanted to hang out around the pool. Something Coley had already prepared for, she knew Sonya loved to swim.

She didn’t mean to, but she couldn’t help herself. Her eyes lingering on Sonya’s back in the mirror. She looked away when she realized that she wasn’t supposed to. She wasn’t supposed to look at her best friend like that, because looking at your best friend would mean you’re crossing a line you could never go back to.

Sonya glanced at her, a soft smile on her face, Coley realized she wasn’t sure if she was ever ready to cross that line.

Sonya loved to swim. To just get lost in her own thoughts. She also however, loved to splash water in other people’s faces.

‘’I hate you.’’ Coley shouted as she splashed water back.

‘’No, you love me.’’ Sonya teased.  
  
‘’Yeah.’’ Coley sighed and then ducked her head under water. _Do you? Do you too?_ She wondered.

‘’I’m going to get us some beer.’’ Trenton said after a while. ‘’I invited some friends over.’’ And then he disappeared.

Coley wondered if that also meant that Nathan was coming. She was a bit worried what was going to happen, she hadn’t seen or spoken to him since that night. But then she looked at Sonya while she was painting her nails, and realized that she didn’t care, not when Sonya was by her side.

‘’You really gotta try this color Cole! I bet it looks great on you.’’ Sonya said. But Coley didn’t even care if it looked great on her, all she could think about was the way the older girl gently applied the lip gloss on her lips, and the way Sonya was looking at her right now. She knew she shouldn’t have lingered her gaze as long as she had, but she couldn’t help herself, for just a little while nothing else existed than just those eyes.

‘’Nathan is coming over with his new girlfriend.’’ Sonya stated. ‘’I mean, I know you two aren’t together anymore, but just so you are prepared.’’

Coley was actually glad, at least he wouldn’t bother her about that night. ‘’Good for him.’’ She just said. ‘’But, I really don’t care.’’

‘’Good.’’ Sonya smiled. ‘’You deserve better than him, you know.’’

_You do too, you deserve so much better, why can’t you see_ , she wished to say to her, but decided that maybe it didn’t matter anymore. Maybe this was how it should be.

There was a boredom in the way everyone was sipping their beers, sitting still on the couch, saying nothing but small talk. She wished that she could go back to hours before, when it was just Sonya and her,  dancing and laughing and actually talking. And it seemed Sonya had the exact same thoughts, glancing over she pouted and then winked. Coley couldn’t help but smile.

The music was louder. ‘’Drink up. ’’ Trenton said as he offered her a cup of what seemed like Bacardi. Then he roughly grabbed Sonya’s arm, dragging his body close to hers, kissing her neck slowly. Sonya seemed uncomfortable, Coley could tell. But Trenton was drunk and didn’t care.

Everyone else was looking away, or maybe they just didn’t care. Coley cared but still looked away, there was nothing else to do then to look away. She wished she could help Sonya, but how? Maybe it wasn’t even in her place to do something.  When Sonya finally freed herself from Trenton’s grip and sat down next to Coley, she didn’t meet her eyes.  Her face seemed restless as if her mind was everywhere but here.

She wandered through the house a half hour later, lost in her own thoughts, trying to find the older girl, a bit drunk of all the beers and Bacardi she had drank. Everyone else already left to go to another party, they had asked her come along too. Sonya told her to go and have some fun, but her eyes were begging her to stay. So she stayed, she always stayed. It wasn’t like she wanted to go anyway.

Trenton was passed out when she slipped past him.

Then there was Sonya, who was sitting on the poolside, her thoughts yet again, far away from here. She looked tired and sad. Coley sat down next to her, not sure what she should say. Not sure if anything could make it better. So instead, they just sat there in complete silence, Sonya’s head resting on Coley’s shoulder.

Just sitting there, just the two of them, in complete silence made her somehow feel at peace. As if it didn’t matter what would ever happen, together they would always find a way to make it work.

Sonya leaned it just a little bit closer, and Coley swore that for just a moment the older girl had took her breath away. She didn’t know what to think, or do. Her thoughts were all over the place. She wasn’t sure  if she ever wanted to have kissed someone so badly as she did right now.

When she was about to lean in closer someone yanked her hair and she fell down.

For just a second she passed out. ‘’Are you kidding me? Of all people..’’ She heard Trenton shouting in distance. ‘’Keep your mouth shut, you have done enough already….’’ She opened her eyes and felt dizzy, her head was hurting.

‘’LOOK AT ME.’’ He shouted. ‘’How dare you do this to me?’’ Sonya looked at him, just for a second before looking at the ground, her eyes teary. She was frightened, Coley could tell.

All of sudden a burst of anger went through Coley and before she knew the lying rock beside her was in her hand instead, hitting Trenton hard in the face. He was lying on the ground now, blood all over his face. Coley jumped on him, hitting him over and over, shouting, screaming. Blind with rage she let out all the anger she had felt for him these last couple of months, maybe years.  It was only when Sonya dragged her away from him that she realized what she had done.

Sonya was now looking at her, really looking at her. Her hand reached for Coley’s face, gently touching her bruises. Coley knew they were dangerously close to cross a line, a line they couldn’t ever get back to. But it didn’t matter anymore, because she had been crossing a line since forever and when she looked at the older girl, she realized that in the end, it would have all been worth it.

Then they both leaned in. She didn’t even care that she literally looked like shit, her hair a mess, her face bruised and swollen, because it was just the two of them now.  And Coley realized this what was a kiss was supposed to make you feel. It was supposed to make you feel as if the world had stopped spinning for a while, as if nothing else existed in the world but her. As if nothing was more important than her lips locked on yours, desperately holding you closer, not wanting to ever let you go.

They fell apart a moment later, hugging each other closely. They looked at each other and exchanged a nod of acknowledgement, both asking each other _did you feel that too?_

Coley knew that for everyone else it was always Sonya, but as she was on her way home, she couldn’t stop smiling.

‘’It’s you Coley.’’ Sonya had said. ‘’For me, it’s always you.’’

She didn’t know what was going to happen next, but for now, this was all that mattered.


	2. I'm sorry but I fell in love tonight.

Coley was eleven when she realized she felt something more for her best friend than she was supposed to feel. She could still recall the way she had felt. Sometimes she wished she could go back in time and take that feeling with her. You see, it was easier back then, she was just a silly little girl. A silly little girl who _maybe_ enjoyed the company of her best friend a little bit more than she should. But, there was nothing wrong with that, nothing really.

When she was eleven, her parents threw her a birthday party. They had set up a huge tent in their backyard, a table full of food and drinks, their home decorated with all kinds of things, and her mom had made sure to invite all her friends. Although, she soon realized she didn’t knew half of all the people her mother had invited.

She never particularly liked birthday parties, but she went along with it anyways. It was fun, for a while.

After that while though, she had found herself wandering, not wanting to get in to the pool to swim with her friends, or talk, or do anything else. At last, she had found herself at a big old tree across from the pool. Hidden by big leaves.

A year earlier she had spent her birthday with Sonya, just the two of them. With her father’s help they had built a treehouse and they had sat there for hours, listing to music, laughing and just talking. Later that night they had watched movies and ate chocolate ice cream before they had both fallen asleep on the couch. Coley had decided it was one of the best birthday’s she had ever had.

Now, looking at all the people in her backyard from above, she just felt uncomfortable. As if something just wasn’t right. These people weren’t her friends, these people didn’t care about her. She wished she could just spend her birthday like last year.

She heard a sound behind the leaves, she sighed, couldn’t anyone just leave her alone for a bit? But it was just Sonya. Which she should’ve known because apart from her father, Sonya was the only one who knew about the treehouse.

‘’Hi you.’’ She said, climbing next to Coley. ‘’What are you doing here?’’

‘’Just thinking.’’ She simply said, her focus on all the people beneath her. She saw Tracy hanging in the pool, talking furiously with Skye and Bethany. Besides them Leroy splashed some water to the girls, making them angry in return. ‘’And watching.’’ She added. It was weird watching something you’re a part of, but don’t feel like a part of.

‘’Your mother threw a great party.’’ Sonya said, her focus was however not on whatever was happening beneath them. She looked at Coley, maybe trying to figure her out.

‘’Everyone’s having fun.’’ Coley simply said.

‘’Are _you_ having fun?’’ Sonya asked, looking at her, wondering.

She wasn’t and Sonya could tell. Sonya could always tell.

‘’You have opened my present, right?’’ Sonya asked. Coley nodded. Of course she had. It was a CD she had wanted for a while now.

Then Sonya abruptly moved, as if she suddenly remembered something important, and started climbing out of the tree. ‘’You’re coming?’ She then shouted. Coley wasn’t sure what was happening, but followed Sonya anyways.

She followed the older girl to her own bedroom. ‘’What’s this all about?’’ She asked Sonya nervously. There was something about the way Sonya could be mysterious sometimes. It always made her nervous, because you never knew what Sonya was going to say or do next.

‘’Just wait a minute.’’ Sonya said, but before Coley could protest, the older girl was already gone.

She returned a minute later, a mysterious smile on her face, her hands behind her back, as if to hide something.

‘’Surprise!!!!’’ She then said, and showed the two pins of chocolate ice cream she had been hiding behind her back.

Coley’s face lighted up, a big smile on her face.

They sat down on her bed and in a comfortable silence they started eating their ice cream. Coley looked at Sonya and wondered, how was it that Sonya always knew how to make her feel better?

‘’Oh wait, I almost forgot’’ Sonya then said, one hand in her pocket. ‘’My mom found this a while ago.’’ She gave Coley a small box. ‘’Open it.’’ She beamed.

Coley opened the box and found two heart shaped necklaces inside, engraved with the words _Best Friends._

‘’This one is yours.’’ Sonya said while she put one of the necklaces’ around Coley’s neck. ‘’And this one is mine.’’ putting the other necklace around her own neck. ‘’The words only appear when we put them together. You see?’’ She said as she demonstrated.

All Coley could do was smile. She hugged the older girl. ‘’Thank you.’’ She didn’t think she had ever felt so happy in her life. Which was strange, it was just a necklace, but to Coley it was more than just that.

She then put in the CD Sonya had given her earlier that day and they had sang along, danced and laughed. Outside the party was still at full blast, but for Coley, the real party was inside. Inside with her best friend.

‘’We missed you at the party.’’ Her mother said at dinner. ‘’ _Your_ party.’’ Everyone else already left, only Sonya had remained.

‘’Yeah, Coley. Where were you? With a boy or something?’’ Her father joked and winked. ‘’I hope it’s not that Leroy kid though.’’

Her family always had a way to embarrass her in front of other people. She always pretended not to care, a shy smile on her face, disguising how she really felt. ‘’I wasn’t.’’ She said and looked at Sonya, who just shrugged.

‘’If you say so.’’ Her father said and already began talking about his work.

Sometimes it was hard to figure her parents and older sister out. They were always talking about things she didn’t really understand.  But they were her family after all, and she knew they loved her. In their own way, surely.

That evening she felt weird, like having a certain feeling in the pit of your stomach you can’t quite explain. She tried to explain it to her older sister Margo. Margo was sixteen, popular, pretty. Much like Sonya in that sense. She surely would understand. ‘’How did you know you liked Thomas?’’ She had asked her, climbing beside her on her bed.

‘’Well..’’ She began stopping midsentence,  realizing what her little sister had just said. ‘’Wait, do _you_ like someone?’’ Her sister beamed. ‘’Alright, spill it!’’ Why is it that some people always find a way around questions without ever answering them, Coley wondered.

‘’I think I do.’’ She had said. She wasn’t sure, but thinking about Sonya made her feel funny, a certain happiness. It wasn’t like finding out your parents had bought you a present or the way chocolate ice cream made her feel happy. No, it was another kind of happiness, she decided. She just wasn’t sure what kind. ‘’Do you think you can like anyone?’’

Her sister nodded, ‘’Sure.’’ She said. ‘’That’s how it works.’’

‘’I think I like Sonya then.’’ She had said.

‘’Sure you do. She’s your best friend, silly.’’ Margo laughed and shook her head.

‘’So, can’t I like her then?’’ Coley asked.

‘’Sure.’’ Margo said a bit bored. ‘’But you can’t like… like her.’’

‘’Why not?’’ Coley said confused. ‘’You said that I could like anyone.’’

 ‘’Because… It doesn’t work _that_ way.’’  Margo said.

‘’Why not?’’ Coley asked again. What was the difference? If Margo could like Thomas, why couldn’t she like Sonya? Wasn’t that the same?

‘’Look, you just can’t okay. It’s.. not normal.’’ Her sister said a bit annoyed. ‘’Can you please go now, Thomas is coming over in like ten minutes, I really have to get ready.’’

After that night she had never brought it up again, but it was always at the back of her mind. Looking back now, she now understood why no boy could ever made her feel the way Sonya did, because none of these boys were Sonya. It slightly scared her, the thought than no one might ever made her feel the way Sonya did.

She had never told Sonya how she really felt about her. Not really anyways.  And she couldn’t, it would cross a dangerous line. Instead she just told herself not to think about it so much.

But it had hurt, seeing Sonya with other boys. But it also didn’t because in the end, one way or another, she would always leave them. Sonya never had a problem with leaving things behind, most of the time it came suddenly. She’d wake up and decide that it wasn’t working out anymore.

Coley always thought she did that because that was what her own mother had done. Suddenly leaving, as if someone wasn’t worth the stay. You’d think people wouldn’t make the same mistakes their parents had made, leaving a permanent mark on them, but they usually did. Maybe they don’t always realize they do it. Maybe.

Coley had always been worth the stay. But then, she was never really one of those boys, one of _them_. But, now all of sudden, she was. Sonya had kissed her, and she had kissed her back.

Trenton had woken up a bit after their kiss. He was furious, bawling his fists so badly that Coley was sure they were going to turn purple. She could still see blood on his face, the right side of his head was turning to a dark shade of blue, just right where she had kept hitting him just minutes ago. Looking at him, looking at what she had done, made her feel weird. _This is what I did, this is what I can do,_ she thought. He looked tired, and she almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

He stood up and had walked over to them. His fist pointing at her, his jaw set, he looked like he was ready to fight her at any second. Coley wasn’t sure what he was going to do or say, and for a moment nothing happened, no one moved either, as if someone had hit pause.

‘’You son of a _bitch_.’’ He then said, walking towards her. His hand hit her shoulder, but she didn’t feel threated, or scared. Boys like Trenton should make you feel scared, with those strong arms and _that_ anger of his. But it didn’t matter anymore, not after that kiss.

Sonya stepped in, which was something she had never really done before. It was a brave thing to do. Or just stupid. Maybe it was both.

‘’You leave her alone.’’ She said, looking him in the eyes. She didn’t look as scared as she had just minutes ago, but her hands were trembling.

‘’I would have understood Nathan, or even Sean. But her?’’ He said in disbelief, still pointing at Coley. ‘’For how long?’’

Sonya didn’t say anything.

‘’For how long, Sonya?’’ He asked again, his voice raising, his anger to the point of exploding.

‘’It doesn’t matter, Trenton.’’ She then said. ‘’Just go, okay. Just fucking go.’’

He stood there for a while, not really knowing what to do, or say.  ‘’This is not the last of it. You hear me?’’ He said and shook his head, before walking away.

‘’I’m sorry, Sonya.’’ Coley said when Trenton was gone. She wasn’t sure why she had said that, all of this wasn’t her fault, but why did it still feel like it was then?

‘’Please, don’t be.’’ Sonya said. She looked tired, tired and sad. Coley hated seeing her like that.

‘’I.. I just.’’ She just what? What was she supposed to say? Five minutes ago they had kissed, they had crossed a  line, _the_ line. But what did it mean for them? Where did they stand, where did _she_ stand?

‘’You should go home, Coley.’’ Sonya said.

‘’No! There’s no way I’m leaving you here alone!’’ What if Trenton decided to come back? What if he decided he wanted payback. There was no way she was leaving the older girl alone, she would never forgive herself if anything happened to her.

‘’It’s okay, my dad’s coming home in twenty minutes. I’ll be fine!’’ Sonya insisted.

Even though Coley wasn’t sure, she nodded and turned around. Everything that had happened had made her whole world turn upside down, but that didn’t mean that wasn’t happening to Sonya either. All of this must have made her confused too.

‘’It’s you Coley.’’ Sonya then said. Coley turned around to look at her face. Her eyes had softened, a hint of a smile on her face. ‘’For me, it’s always you.’’

Later that night she thought about what her sister had said. How it wasn’t normal to feel that way. At age eleven she hadn’t understood why it wasn’t normal, but when she became older, she did. She never felt ashamed of it though. She never understood why people were ashamed of it, it wasn’t like you could do anything about the way you feel.

It felt more like being left out of something. Girls at school were always talking about boys, and how they made them feel. She once tried to anticipate in a conversation. ‘’But how would you know, Coley? You’ve never been in a relationship.’’ Tracy had said. So that’s when she stopped trying, because she realized Tracy was right. Why should she pretend? Besides, you shouldn’t really talk about something you haven’t never experienced.

 _For me, it’s always you._ Sonya had said. In that moment Coley couldn’t help but smile. She had smiled the whole ride back home. Strangers had looked at her funny, but maybe that was because she literally looked like she had been fighting with someone. But then she realized she actually had.

When she arrived at home, her mother was in quite a shock. ‘’What did you do?’’ She had asked, worried, already trying to clean the wounds. Coley had just shrugged it off, saying she had fallen of her bike. ‘’It doesn’t even hurt.’’

But it did now. Her head felt like it was pounding. She was tired but her mind didn’t let her have the rest she desperately needed. Her mind was full of questions. About Sonya. Trenton.

She thought about the kiss, she could still feel Sonya’s lip on hers, and how it had made her feel. _It’s you Coley. It’s always you._ But what did it mean?

What if Sonya woke up in the morning and realized it was all a mistake, or decided it all meant nothing to her? And what if it did mean something?

The next day she woke up with a headache, her head still pounding. 

‘’What the fuck happened to your face?’’ Tracy asked when Coley arrived at school that morning.

‘’Nothing. I just fell of my bike.’’ Coley mumbled, trying to hide the right side of her face with her hair. But really, long locks nor make up could ever cover up bruises like that.

‘’It doesn’t look like nothing. It’s like you were in a fight or something.’’ Another girl said, Shirley or was it Sharon? Coley wasn’t sure.

‘’Yeah, you look awful.’’ Tracy said.

‘’Now that’s very rude, Tracy.’’ A familiar voice said. Sonya.

Tracy just rolled her eyes. ‘’I’m just being honest.’’  As if everything that came out of her mouth was her being her honest-self.

‘’Doesn’t really suit you then.’’ Sonya replied, and grabbed Coley by her shoulder. ‘’Come on, let’s get out of here.’’

It’s a weird feeling walking down school corridors when, for the first time, you’re really looking around you. When all of sudden you’re _really_ looking at the place you spend most of your life,  noticing all the people. Coley always thought they all looked different from each other. But she realized now that, in a way, everyone looked pretty much the same. They all looked tired, sad, and sometimes desperate. Desperate for a change, for something to happen.  She wasn’t sure where this new perspective of hers came from. Maybe it was because for the first time she felt the same way.

For the first time something had changed, because even though Sonya might not feel the same way about her and even though nothing might really change between them, something had changed within her. There was a feeling of relief. As if she had been holding her breath for so long and she was finally allowed to breath. In a way, it felt like a sudden freedom. A freedom Coley wasn’t very used to. Yet.

But not knowing if anything had changed between her and Sonya made her awfully nervous. They sat in silence, eating their lunch.

‘’Just a couple of more weeks.’’ Sonya sighed, her sandwich lying before her, untouched.

‘’Then what?’’ Coley asked confused.

‘’Summer, Coley. Summer!’’ Sonya replied, her face in disbelief, as if she couldn’t believe someone could ever forget about summer. ‘’You know, _freedom_.’’

‘’Oh, yeah of course.’’ She said. A couple of weeks seemed more like months, there were still a lot of tests they had to take, still endless weekends of studying ahead of them, Coley couldn’t think of summer just yet.

‘’You’re okay? You seem a bit off.’’ Sonya said. ‘’If it’s about what Tracy said…’’

‘’It’s not about Tracy. I don’t care about Tracy.’’ Coley said. No one ever cared about Tracy, not even her own friends. It was a bit sad, it really was. But Coley didn’t really care because Tracy had something about her that just made you not care. Maybe it was her mouth, spilling dirty words all over you, making other people laugh.

‘’Then what is it?’’ Sonya asked.

‘’Just thinking.’’ Coley replied, which was pretty much her standard expression.

‘’You’re always thinking.’’ Sonya stated.

‘’Aren’t you?’’ Coley asked. It was an odd thing to ask, but maybe she hoped Sonya was reading between the lines.

‘’Sure, but I don’t over-think things, you know.’’ Sonya said, finally eating a piece of her sandwich.

 _Ouch_.

‘’Let’s get out of here.’’ Sonya said, her eyes softened, maybe realizing how much her remark had stung.

‘’Where to?’’ Coley asked. ‘’We still have like three hours left! We can’t just.. leave.’’

‘’Sure we can.’’ Sonya said, grabbing Coley’s arm. ‘’We can do anything we want to.’’

Coley wasn’t so sure, but followed Sonya anyways. Besides, she’d rather spend these three hours with the older girl than at mathematics.

She hoped her parents were gone because she was sure her mother would send them right back. Hell, she’d make sure to drag them to school herself. But it was their lucky day.

‘’It’s a miracle this thing is still up.’’ Sonya said smiling. They stood before the old tree, above them the treehouse they had once build, well, what was left of it anyways. Coley had once tried to get in to the treehouse, but the wood had begun to rotten, and it wasn’t as stable as it used to be.  ‘’Do you think it could still hold us?’’

Sonya was already climbing the tree, so Coley had no other choice then to follow her. It felt a bit weird being up there again, a sudden feeling of nostalgia hit her. Most of the time that feeling meant things had changed since then, but nothing had really changed between the two of them. They still were still the same girls, just older. So maybe Coley just missed the carelessness of being a child.

‘’It always felt so dangerous climbing up here.’’ Sonya said ’’But the ground seems so much closer than I remembered it was.’’

‘’Maybe it was because we were little. My mom says everything always seems bigger when you’re a child.’’ Coley never understood that because to her it always seemed adults made things bigger than they actually were.

‘’I still remember when we build this thing. It seems like ages ago.’’ Sonya said. ‘’Everything was so different back then. Just simple… you know. Not as complicated.’’

She wasn’t sure where this sudden reminisce of the past came from. It was a bit unsettling, because Sonya never really talked about her past much.

‘’It shouldn’t have to be.’’ Coley replied. ‘’I think we always make things more complicated for ourselves than it should be.’’ And maybe that’s because we don’t always think we deserve something, anything, Coley thought.

Sonya didn’t answer and let herself lay down on the wooden planks beneath her instead, motioning Coley to do the same.

They lay there in silence for a moment, the light of the sun shining on their faces through the leaves above them.

‘’I won’t ever leave you. You know that right? Like.. you’ll always be my best friend. Even if.. if things don’t work out the way we want them to.’’ Sonya said after a while. ‘’Things never work out the way we want them to, do they?’’

It wasn’t really a question, but Coley still wondered. Maybe things never work out the way we want them to, but there’s always other ways, other ways to still make things work. _We always make things work though, don’t we?,_ she thought.

‘’I care about you. I’ll always care about you.’’ She said.

‘’I know.’’ Coley said. She wasn’t sure what Sonya meant, but when she felt the older girls’ hand in hers, it didn’t really matter.

For a long time, it was just the two of them, not caring about anything else. Sure, they hadn’t talked about their kiss yet, but it wasn’t like they were denying it either. But Coley was still worried, because there was still Trenton to deal with.

They hadn’t seen him in days. He hadn’t showed up at school for days, maybe a bit embarrassed because of all the bruises Coley had caused. But her bruises had faded by now, so maybe it was just his pride.

Everyone at school already knew Sonya and Trenton had broken up. ‘’Nathan said Trenton cheated on her. With that Bethany girl. You know, with the long blonde hair. She’s such a slut!’’ Coley heard a girl say one day. ‘’I heard Sonya was screaming and crying when he broke up with her. That poor girl.’’ Another girl said back. Coley wanted to say something, anything, but then realized it didn’t matter, people believe anything they want to, and for it to be real, they didn’t always care if it made any sense.

For a while they were safe. But Coley could feel Sonya’s constant worry, always making sure he wasn’t going to show up out of nowhere. Coley made sure to make her smile a lot, to talk about anything but that day or any other day that would remind her of Trenton. Not that it was easy though, you only realize how much something reminds you of someone when they’re not around anymore, when you’re not supposed to be reminded of those things.

So for most days they studied together, or watched movies, listened to music.

She saw Nathan once, but his eyes wouldn’t meet hers. Not that they had ever locked eyes after that one short evening they had spent together just weeks ago. But it was different, because even though she couldn’t see it in his eyes, there was something about him. About the way his body walked past her, as if he knew. Or maybe she was just being paranoid.

‘’Skye is having a party tomorrow.’’ Coley said to Sonya. It was Thursday night and they were studying English literature, even though neither could really concentrate.

‘’I don’t know Cole.’’ Sonya said, looking up. ‘’I’m not really in the mood for a party.’’  
  
‘’Yeah, and that’s exactly _why_ we are going.’’ Coley insisted. Maybe a good party could lighten up the mood a bit. ‘’It’ll be good.’’

Even though Sonya was still not really sure if they should go, they still went.

Skye was an only child which gave her the privilege of always getting everything she wanted. Like a new car, or designer clothes, you know, the usual rich kids privileges. Maybe it was just her parents way of apologizing for always being out of town, meeting fancy people at fancy restaurants, leaving Skye all by herself. She never really seemed to care about that though. But why would she, with a huge house like that?

‘’Sonya!’’ Tracy shouted when they entered the house, Coley could tell the girl was already drunk. She gave Sonya a hug and a quick nod to Coley. ‘’I didn’t think you guys would show up.’’

‘’Why wouldn’t we?’’ Sonya replied, but didn’t wait for Tracy’s answer, already dragging Coley to the nearest drinks they could find.

‘’What’s up with Tracy?’’ Sonya asked.

‘’What do you mean?’’ Coley answered. ‘’She seemed normal to me.’’ Apart from the fact she was clearly very drunk. ‘’Well… her usual self.’’

Sonya just shrugged and drank a cup of Bacardi. Coley did the same, for once she wanted the alcohol to just hit her, to just feel careless, to not feel any worry.  Even if it was just for a while.

The party wasn’t so bad, the music was a bit shitty but the alcohol made up for that. They danced and for a while they were happy.

That until Nathan approached them. Then Coley realized why she hated drunk people.  Drunk people like Nathan, that is.

‘’Coley!’’ He shouted. ‘’So.. I.. I heard something about you.’’ He slurred, his hand on her shoulder.

‘’Let’s just get out of here.’’ Sonya whispered in Coley’s ear. She took Coley’s hand and took her outside. It didn’t matter though because Nathan was already following them. ‘’Oh come on just tell me, is it true?’’ He asked.

‘’Or just show it to me. That’s fine too.’’ He added laughing. Coley thought about the fact that she had let this boy kiss her, and felt disgusted.

He caught up with them and now stood before them. Coley wanted to slap that disgusting smile off his face, and he must have noticed. ‘’What Coley, you’re going to hit me now too?’’

Coley just rolled her eyes, not wanting to give him the satisfaction.

‘’I must say, those bruises were fucked up. You hit like a man.’’ He said. ‘’Sorry, maybe that was a wrong word choice.’’ He quickly added.

‘’Just fuck off Nathan.’’ Sonya said, she was drunk and angry, not a very good combination.

His gaze shifted to the older girl. ‘’Tell me Sonya. Why her?’’ He began laughing. ‘’Like, of all fucking people, why her?’’

Coley wondered the same, but Sonya didn’t answer and took, once again, Coley hand. ‘’Just keep walking.’’ She whispered.

‘’I think you should know she’s a prude though, in bed, I mean.’’ He shouted. ‘’I think I made her cry, ain’t that right Coley?’’ He started to laugh again. And it was mad, Coley hadn’t never heard someone laugh so mad. A tear was falling down her cheek, she hated herself for it and was glad Nathan couldn’t actually see her.

Sonya turned around. ‘’You’re just a pathetic asshole. You know, it’s almost funny the way you think Trenton is actually your friend.’’ She shook her head. ‘’You should ask him about your sister.’’

Coley had already walked away, embarrassed by her tears. Sonya caught up with her and motioned her to stop, but Coley didn’t want to, she wanted to walk away from this as far away as she could.

Sonya grabbed her arm at last, making walking further for Coley impossible. Sonya’s gently lay down her hand on Coley’s cheek. ‘’Look at me, Coley.’’ But instead she kept her gaze on everything but Sonya. She didn’t want to look at the older girl, because she was sure that if she did, she was never going to stop crying.

‘’Coley, please.’’ Sonya said as she gently wiped away a tear. ‘’It’s alright.’’ But it wasn’t, none of this was. She didn’t want to feel this way, she wanted to be strong for once, strong like Sonya. She didn’t want the older girl wiping away her tears, or looking at her the way she did now. It was unfair. Maybe it was just the alcohol that made her feel this way, making her feelings all heightened, but maybe for once, it was a good thing. They both had a habit of spilling out the truth, the way they couldn’t always when they were sober.

‘’I can’t do this.’’ She said, her head tilting, forcing the other girl to let go of her.

‘’What do you mean?’’ Sonya asked. ‘’He’s just an asshole, and seriously whatever happened….’’

‘’No.. I mean _this_. You and me. Us.’’ She said. ‘’I can’t do it anymore. I can’t pretend me hitting Trenton was the only thing that happened that day.’’ Not when you look at me like that, not when you hold my hand like that or hug me like you never want to let go of me ever, she wanted to add. But she didn’t.

‘’I’m not pretending, Coley.’’ Sonya said. ‘’I just… I can’t think about it right now. Not with all the Trenton drama going on.’’

Coley looked at Sonya and for the first time she realized the older girl looked sad. A part of her felt selfish, selfish for only thinking about her own feelings. But an another part of her felt sad. Sad and confused.

But Trenton was always going to be around, even if he wasn’t, there were always other people. There were their parents to worry about, the rest of their families, their friends, pretty much everyone at school. Sure, they didn’t owe them any explanation, but it still felt like they did.

 ‘’I love you, even if you don’t. That’s okay, you know, if you don’t.’’ She wasn’t sure why she had said it, but it was true. She realized that even if it didn’t work out the way they wanted it to, Sonya would never leave her, she’d always have her best friend. Sure it would hurt for a bit, but if that meant she’d still have her best friend at her side, then it was worth the pain.

Sonya was silent for a moment.  ‘’Remember that night, when you told me you could make me happy?’’ She then said. ‘’And I told you that I know you could? I want to make you happy too, Coley.’’

‘’And I love you too. I do.’’ Sonya began. ‘’I just want _this_ to be right. Do you understand that?’’ She reached out for Coley and hugged her, and for a while they just stood there, embracing each other.

Coley was actually glad they had finally talked about it. Looking at the older girl, she didn’t feel the uncertainness she had felt for days ( _What if it didn’t mean anything? What if all of this will change things? What if? What if?),_ instead she felt happy.

They spend that weekend together, watching movies, eating mostly chocolate ice cream, sometimes studying.

On Sunday night, they were in Coley’s backyard, their bodies lying on the damp grass beneath them. They had been swimming for most of the day and it had left them both exhausted.

‘’Is there something you always wanted to do?’’ Sonya suddenly asked.

‘’Like skydiving or something?’’ Coley replied. Not that she would _ever_ want to do that. Why would anyone do that just for fun?

‘’Yeah sure.’’ Sonya said. ‘’I’ve been thinking about summer, and I think we should do all the stuff we always wanted to do.’’

‘’You mean like a bucket list?’’ Coley asked, not sure where this conversation was going.

‘’Yeah, like a bucket list.’’ Sonya replied. ‘’But really, it could be fun, right?’’

It actually didn’t sound so bad, Coley just wasn’t so sure what they were going to do. There was not much to do as their town wasn’t very exciting. ‘’So, what’s at the top of your list then?’’ She asked instead.

‘’Oh that’s easy. A road trip.’’ Sonya said.

Coley laughed. ‘’A road trip? Really? Well that’s… a bit cheesy.’’

‘’Sure, but it would mean we could get out of this town for a bit. Just the two of us. Wouldn’t that be great though?’’ Sonya said.

Which did sound like a good idea, a really good idea actually. ‘’It would.’’ Coley smiled.

‘’Good. Well, that’s settled then.’’ Sonya said, a smile on her face.

Over the next few days they spend endless days trying to figure out other things they could do that summer. Sure there were still weeks ahead of them, but knowing they had something to look forward to, made going to school a little bit easier.

Although school was never really that easy for Coley, but she managed.

That until Tuesday morning, which was different than all other mornings. When she walked into the school, people began staring at her or give her funny looks. At first she thought there was something on her face, or maybe it was her hair. But when she looked at herself in the mirror, she didn’t see anything funny or out of place. Sure, she looked a bit tired, but didn’t everyone?

She was still in one of the bathroom stalls when she heard Tracy talking to Skye. It was only when Skye mentioned Nathan that she really became interested in their conversation.

‘’Nathan told me last Friday.’’ Skye said. ‘’I was like ‘yeah right, are you sure it wasn’t just your imagination?’ But then he said I should ask Trenton then.’’

_Fuck!_

‘’What did he say?’’ Tracy asked. Coley could tell she was curious, maybe a little bit too curious.

‘’He told me the same thing! I swear, it’s _so_ disgusting.’’ Skye said.

‘’I always thought Coley was into that, she never really had any boyfriends and stuff. Nathan told me she didn’t even want to have sex with him. Like, who would ever turn down sex with him?!’’ Tracy said with disbelief.

‘’I know right! Besides, I bet she forced herself on Sonya. You know, Sonya really doesn’t seem like the type.’’ Skye replied.

Coley was furious. And it wasn’t because Nathan had told Skye and Tracy that she didn’t want to have sex with him because that actually says more about him than her. She was furious because they thought she had forced herself on Sonya. The whole school would think _she_ forced the kiss. She would never do that.

She wanted to say something, but then realized she shouldn’t. It would only make things worse.

There was no way she could hide herself now, so instead she just walked through the school corridors, her head held high, pretending she didn’t care, pretending she didn’t saw everyone looking at her.

But she did. It’s a funny feeling walking around school with everyone staring at you as if they know you. As if they suddenly know your story, even if they didn’t even know you existed just a day ago. Coley wished she could disappear in the mass, like she had done most of her life. But she knew that maybe this time she wouldn’t. And maybe she didn’t really want to.

She tried to find Sonya but couldn’t find the older girl. She felt slightly panicked, she didn’t want to face this alone. She just couldn’t.

She sat down in history class, but couldn’t concentrate. Sometimes people would turn around and just stare at her, with stupid smiles on their faces. She tried to ignore it, but that wasn’t so easy.

Coley wondered why the concept of girls liking girls was something so freaky to grasp for some people. Her sister once told her it wasn’t normal, her uncle Ben had once said he was disgusted by his gay colleague at work. ‘’Man can only be in a relationship with woman.’’ He had told her. When she had asked him why he had just shrugged ‘’Because that’s how it works.’’ He replied. ‘’Only a man could love a woman, everything else is just not real.’’ But her feelings were real, and she didn’t feel like boys.

‘’That’s just what they tell him at church.’’ Her father had said to her later that evening. Coley didn’t know if he had sensed something, but she didn’t care. She was just glad her father wasn’t actually agreeing with his brother.

Sonya still hadn’t showed up at school by lunch time, Coley was actually starting to get worried.

‘’Hi you.’’ A voice from behind then said. Coley turned around. It was Sonya, just standing there, a shy smile on her face. ‘’Where the hell where you?’’ Coley asked.

‘’I over-slept. Why?’’  Sonya asked. ‘’What’s wrong?’’

‘’They know. Nathan told them. I’m pretty sure the whole school knows. I… What are we going to do?’’ Coley was now talking really fast, trying to make the older girl understand, but failing.

‘’Wow slow down, Coley.’’ Sonya said confused. ‘’What are you talking about? Who knows what?’’

‘’About us.’’ Coley said. ‘’I overheard Skye and Tracy talking. They said Nathan told them about the kiss, our kiss. They told everyone.’’

Sonya said nothing for a moment. ‘’So?’’ She then said.

Coley was a bit confused. She had thought Sonya would be mad, but instead the older girl was calm, as if she didn’t care.

‘’We knew this was going to happen, right?’’ Sonya said.

But Coley didn’t have a chance to answer because Tracy was approaching them, followed by Skye. Of course they were approaching them, these two were always found in the midst of a drama. The drama of everyone else, that is. Never their own.

‘’Hey Sonya.’’ Tracy said, ignoring Coley.

Sonya just rolled her eyes, under any other circumstances, it would’ve made Coley laugh. ‘’What do you want, Tracy?’’ She asked.

‘’Nothing.’’ The girl replied. ‘’I just wanted to see for myself.’’

‘’What?’’ Sonya sighed, clearly annoyed.

‘’The two of you, obviously!’’ Skye said. ‘’We were just talking about you two, weren’t we, Tracy?’’  
  
‘’Right. At first I didn’t get it, I mean, you and her.’’ Her gaze shifted to Coley. ‘’But I think I do now. You were _always_ together.’’

‘’What’s your point, Tracy?’’ Coley asked, not that she really cared.

‘’It’s disgusting.’’ Skye said, she was looking at Coley, maybe for the first time realizing she was there too. ‘’My father says it’s just wrong. Girl can’t like girls, he says.’’

‘’Well, no one cares about what your father says.’’ Coley replied. She was beginning to feel angry again. Why are some people always sticking their noses in things that don’t concern them. Skye was obviously a bit taken back, as she didn’t say anything else.

Sonya chuckled, an amused smile on her face.

‘’Well I think…’’ Tracy began.

Coley sighed. ‘’You really think I care what you think, or what anyone else thinks?’’ Coley then said. ‘’Because I don’t. Not anymore, because caring about what everyone else thinks is just a waste of time. Much like you two.’’

And with that she turned around, took Sonya’s hand and walked away. Leaving behind two confused girls.

Her hands were trembling. Sonya just looked at her, trying to calm her down. A amused smile on her face.

‘’Do you think I was too rude?’’ Coley asked, even though she knew she shouldn’t care, they were the ones pushing her beyond her own limits.

‘’They deserved it.’’ Sonya just said.

‘’I thought you were going to be mad after you found out everyone knew.’’ Coley said.

‘’I was. Well, I am.’’ She said. ‘’Not for that reason though. I just don’t think it’s anyone’s business.’’

They sat down on a bench near their school. Everyone else was in class, like they actually should be. But it wasn’t like they hadn’t skipped class before.

‘’Now it is though.’’ Coley said.

‘’Yeah. I know.’’ Sonya said. ‘’But I don’t care though. Like what you said, it’s just a waste of time.’’

‘’So, what do we do next?’’ Coley asked.

Sonya looked at her, and said nothing for a moment. She was about to say something when she slowly filled the space that was left between them and kissed Coley. It wasn’t like the last time, messy and desperate. Instead it was sweet and gentle. But it still left Coley with the same feeling afterwards, minus the headache.

 

‘’But, what about Trenton…’’ She said,  but then she realized she was totally ruining their moment.  
  
‘’What about him?’’ Sonya just said and leaned in once again.

‘’I just thought..’’ Coley began, she was still confused. Just days ago Sonya didn’t want to talk about it, and now they were kissing. Not that she was complaining though.

‘’I know. But today I realized, why would we waste all that time?’’ Sonya said. ‘’Haven’t we wasted enough time already?’’

Coley nodded. They had. ‘’It’s not going to be easy though.’’ She knew that in the end it was all going to be worth it, but that didn’t mean it didn’t scare her. ‘’It’s a bit scary. Aren’t you scared?’’

‘’You know, when you sat down next to me, that day at the pool. I looked at you and thought _no one could ever be like Coley. She knows me like no one else does. She understands me like no one else does. No one could ever make me feel the way she made me feel._ And it scared me.’’ Sonya said. ‘’But then I realized, maybe that’s the way someone should make you feel. And yeah, things are going to change, and it’ll be scary, but in the end, we’ll always have each other.’’

 ‘’It’s always been that way, huh.’’ Coley said.

Sonya smiled. ‘’Yeah.’’ She then lowered the upside of her shirt a bit, revealing the necklace she had once given to Coley. ‘’Always.’’

‘’I’m sure Trenton’s not going to be a problem anymore either.’’ She then said.

‘’What do you mean?’’ Coley wondered.

‘’When you hit him, I thought he just looked angry. But then I realized, he was just terrified.’’ Sonya said.

Coley had never looked at him after she had hit him, her focus only on Sonya. But still, she wondered. _Did I terrify him? Did I really do that?_ ‘’Did I?’’

‘’I never thought you had that much anger in you.’’ Sonya said. ‘’If I were him, I’d be terrified.’’ She chuckled.

‘’You were the only thing that mattered.’’ Coley said. ‘’You _are_.’’

‘’You’re the only person who has ever stood up for me.’’ Sonya said. ‘’And I.. I really love you for doing that.’’

She looked at Sonya and they both smiled.

And all the worry Coley still felt, was gone. It didn’t matter anymore what everyone would think. What her parents would think, or her Uncle Ben, or Margo. She had Sonya by her side, and that was all that mattered. Sometimes girls like girls, the way boys did.  There was nothing wrong with that.

 Nothing new either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo, there it is, the last chapter. But hey, I didn't sneak in that ''Bucket list'' conversation for no reason. ;)


End file.
